Letter by Nick Harpster, our Public Relations & Advocacy Coordinator
Hello LGBTQ+ family, my name is Nick Harpster, and I am the Public Relations & Advocacy Coordinator for LubbockPRIDE. On this first day of PRIDE month, I wanted to share what this month means to me and how I came to do what I do with LubbockPRIDE, from the perspective of an ally. I know the term ally gets tossed around rather loosely, especially around June when Pride Month rolls around, but proper allies are important for any cause, and I wish we had more vocal allies on our side right now. Pride month is a time when we see many companies jump on the Pride bandwagon, offering financial support and even promoting special pride merchandise. We have also seen companies like Bud Light and Target backtracking their support a bit (or a lot) when faced with financial or “volatile” threats against employees. At times, it is important to check history, watch actions, and listen to words spoken behind closed doors. Sometimes you can even check what policies a major corporation, or even a local business, provides to engage with and protect the LGBTQ+ community.
I mention Target and Bud Light, not only because they are currently in the news, but for the fact that they have also been considered allies of the LGBTQ+ community for many years. Target started an inclusive marketing campaign along with a rainbow-themed clothing and accessories line in 2015, and Bud Light has been supporting local and national LGBTQ+ advocacy organizations for over 20 years. If these large corporations can be swayed by a hit to the profit margin or threats (violent or otherwise) from a select group of the population, how are small businesses, individual allies, and even those that are part of the LGBTQ+ community supposed to feel?
Being an ally can be a rough road, but allies must realize that those that they are trying to be allies for, must live with the same pushback, negativity, harassment, and threats. Every. Single. Day. Of. Their. Lives. Those that are part of the LGBTQ+ community, or any other marginalized group for that matter, must wake up every day, knowing who they are, and expecting the same barriers they have encountered from society from day one. Often, allies, especially ones like me (cis, straight, white, college-educated, male), have the luxury of stepping out of their allyship and going back to living within their privileges. I didn’t always understand this part of allyship, but this is where allies need to put in the work. You must be willing to use your privileges and access to different social circles, often inaccessible to some in the LGBTQ+ community, to help educate and correct others about the LGBTQ+ experience.
To me, I find it absolutely disturbing that there are people that honestly believe being gay or transgender is a phase, a mental disorder, or even something indoctrinated by others. To see some elected officials not only expressing these opinions, but making laws that attempt to restrict, or flat out erase a section of the population, brings me great trepidation and disgust. I often become emotional hearing the stories of struggle and fear that so many LGBTQ+ people have, especially those from children. It is simple for me to understand that the lives of my family and friends are on the line with some of the legislation that is being presented and passed, and I am unable to wrap my head around the fact that others are either incapable of understanding this or are just so cruel that they don’t care. How can anyone see the statistics and research done that show how gender-affirming care saves lives, yet ban gender-affirming care? How can anyone look at the self-harm, suicide attempts, and suicide statistics of the LGBTQ+ community, especially our youth, and not ban conversion therapy, stop pushing the continued stigmatization the LGBTQ+ community, or refuse to work to increase access to mental health treatment? Where is the empathy? These things infuriate me.
On the other hand, I am often overcome by joy in seeing someone be able to come out as their true self or go through gender transition to become their true self. The dramatic change in demeanor and the glow on their faces is indescribable. I can’t believe that someone would choose to deny anyone of that satisfaction and pure delight. This is why I have chosen to be the best ally that I can possibly be. I have work to do, but I am willing to put in the work, take the hits, and stand behind, beside, or in front of my LGBTQ+ family, as the situation fits. We need to use these types of raw emotions and personal experiences to get others to understand that human rights for the LGBTQ+ community are just as deserved as anyone else. We all recognize that these people know and probably even love someone that is LGBTQ+.
To be the best ally that you can be (for anyone), you must educate yourself. This will obviously be different for everyone based upon their own knowledge and experiences, but for me, as an educator, I was dedicated to learning as much as possible so I could support and defend the LGBTQ+ community with the most appropriate responses I could give. I attended LGBTQ+ events, talked to members of the community and other allies, did a lot of listening, and perhaps most of all, a lot of self-education through research. It’s important not to rely too heavily on people that are part of the community to educate you, as this really isn’t something that they need to be burdened with; however, if they offer, don’t hesitate to learn from them.
To be honest, when I first started my journey of allyship, I felt like an imposter. I believed I had to earn my trust within the community; I had to somehow prove that my acceptance of everyone and my activism for them was genuine. I started going to the Lubbock Pride Festival in 2016 with my family. In 2017, I kicked off a run for Lubbock County Commissioner, with a major platform issue being diversity, equity, and inclusion; never shying away from my support for the LGBTQ+ community. I unfortunately lost that race, but in 2019, I was asked to join the LubbockPRIDE board as Vice President. I was lucky enough to play a role in that year’s festival, which was the most ever attended Lubbock Pride event at the time. Soon after the 2019 festival, I became acting President, and then President, during most of the next two years during the pandemic. I was still apprehensive about my place in the LGBTQ+ community at that time, and I felt strongly that the President of the organization should be someone that was a true member of the community. Once a new President was voted in for 2022, I asked the board if we could develop an Advocacy Coordinator position for the organization, as this was more fitting for my true passion and experience, which eventually led to my position today.
All this being said, I challenge other allies, and especially the haters and non-believers of the world, to be more accepting and take the time to put in the work. Hatred or disdain for something or someone typically grows out of ignorance. Education, critical thinking, and an open mind are the most common cures for ignorance. I still battle with how to deal with people that are willfully ignorant, but I’m working on it. In advocacy work, the word intersectionality is often used, as this is a way to find common ground and understanding among people. The definition of this word is the interconnected categorizations of people that overlap, and form shared systems of discrimination or disadvantage. You can use intersectionality to start conversations with people who do not understand the other parts of your life that you do not have in common. I view Pride Month as a highlighted period for activism and education. Even if some corporations are not fully engaged, the increased prominence and press can be positive. The saturation of visibility during pride month can provide additional opportunities to strike up conversations and educate others.
I know this has been long, but I needed to get this out. I wanted to leave you with a quote from Audre Lorde, but I couldn’t choose the best, so I’ll leave you with two. May we all be better people for others and for ourselves. Thank you for reading, and Happy Pride Month, y’all!!
“Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.”
― Audre Lorde
“Unless one lives and loves in the trenches, it is difficult to remember that the war against dehumanization is ceaseless.”
― Audre Lorde
Nick Harpster, Ph.D.
Public Relations & Advocacy Coordinator
LubbockPRIDE
nick.harpster@lubbockpride.org